Kaitlyn's Story

I'm going to be honest. I've been a little nervous thinking about writing my first post because I knew I wanted to tell Kaitlyn's story. I love talking about her, but sometimes it's hard to re-live all the emotions that I experienced through this journey. I should warn you, this is going to be long and even leaving out lots of details. Well, here is the life story of my daughter, Kaitlyn Rose.

In August 2008, my husband and I decided that it was time to try to have a family. The timing seemed to work for us. On our vacation to Horseshoe Valley Resort at the beginning of September, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had taken one 3 days earlier, but it was negative. I remember that September morning. I had woken up earlier and thought "why not", so I took the pregnancy test and faint "+" sign came up. I read the box about 3 times confirming that it meant that I was pregnant. I was shaking with nervousness and excitement. About 10 minutes later and woke Chris up and asked him how he was feeling. He said he had a bit of a headache or stomachache and I then said, "Well, you're going to be a daddy!!" I know, it didn't make sense, but I wasn't thinking straight at that point. Chris didn't believe me and he asked to see the test. We were so excited and nervous and in shock!

When we got home from our getaway. I booked an appt. with my doctor to confirm the pregnancy a day later. The morning of my doctor's appointment my mom and I were sitting in the living room and I just blurted out "I took a pregnancy test and it was positive and I'm going to the doctor to confirm it." I totally took her off guard. Then she got excited. Well, the doctor confirmed my pregnancy and I called the midwife to schedule and appointment with her.

My mom wanted to tell everyone about our pregnancy, but we wanted to wait until my dad's birthday (Sept. 28) to surprise him. Well, the nausea hit me before I could tell my dad and everyone kept asking me if I was okay. But I couldn't tell them yet. Chris and I were supposed to go to his sister's house to visit with his family, but I was feeling too sick. So we called them up and said that we couldn't make it down for the weekend because "We're pregnant!" Erin (Chris' sister) started screaming and his mom was in shock. It was great! So we just had to tell my dad. We bought 2 bibs that said " I love Grandpa" and "I love Grandma". We wrapped them up and gave them to my dad. When he opened his gift, it took him a minute to realize what it meant and then he was in shock. Trevor and Stephanie (my bro and his fiancee) were also there so it hit them like a ton of bricks as well. But they were able to get some good pics of my dad. Well, now everyone knew so we gave my mom permission to spread the word.

I had my first real midwife appointment when I was as 12 weeks. I got to hear Kaitlyn's heartbeat, which was strong. And we discussed what to expect during pregnancy. What an amazing experience!! Soon the nausea slowly went away and I was beginning to show a little bit. At my next appointment, we heard Kaitlyn's heartbeat again and my pregnancy continued to progress. I also got the requisition for an ultrasound. We had our ultrasound on Dec. 8. Chris came with us and we got to see Kaitlyn. Before the ultrasound, we all thought that Kaitlyn was a boy, but the ultrasound tech said it was a girl! How exciting!! Apparently, Kaitlyn moved around a lot during the ultrasound, but we did get to see her heart beating and her spine and her fingers and toes. She was so cute. She had the cutest button nose. We got some pics to take home with us. At my next midwife appt. we again heard Kaitlyn's heartbeat and we reviewed the ultrasound which stated that there were no abnormalities. I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl inside me!!

Now that we knew it was a girl, Chris and I really started discussing names. We had tossed around a few ideas, including Sophie and Hannah. I had always wanted my first daughter's middle name to be Rose, after my nana. One day, Chris just blurted out, "What about the name Kaitlyn?" It was the perfect name. We both knew that this was her name.

On November 24th, Chris and I were lying on the couch, watching television, when I felt Kaitlyn's first kick. It was pretty strong, but when Chris put his hand to my belly, of course there were no more kicks. I felt a few flutters once in a while, but not often. I had an anterior placenta, which makes it difficult to feel kicks.

On Jan. 15, 2009, I went to my midwife appt. and Chris came with me. Everything was okay, I was measuring to 24 weeks. But when it came time to listen to Kaitlyn's heartbeat, we couldn't find it. It was thought that the anterior placenta could be in the way, which is why we couldn't hear the heartbeat, but I had an ultrasound scheduled for later that day. I was so glad Chris decided to come with me. On the way home, I was crying. We got a call from my midwife, Kara, stating that she would like me to go to the hospital right away so we wouldn't have to wait too long for the ultrasound. Chris and I headed over and we met Kara there. They got me into a room and put on the fetal heart rate monitor, but we couldn't hear Kaitlyn's heartbeat. We had an ultrasound scheduled for 1:00pm, but Kara managed to get the OB to come in and do an ultrasound with the portable machine. My mom, dad, and pastor Garry also showed up in my room. Well, the OB did the ultrasound and we saw Kaitlyn on the screen. We saw her heart and it wasn't beating. I had seen her beating heart on the previous ultrasound, so I knew she had passed. And then the OB said "There's the baby and her heartsac and unfortunately, it's not beating." We all burst into tears. Chris held me and Garry said a prayer. That was the hardest statement to ever hear. I went down for my other ultrasound and it confirmed that Kaitlyn had passed away a couple weeks ago. We spoke with the OB and decided to have my labour induced the following day. So we went home, cried, and just were together. We had to tell Trevor and Stephanie and we also called Chris' parents. It was so hard. We watched a movie that night, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I had to pack up clothes to take to the hospital and all I could think was that it was too early to pack for the hospital. I shouldn't be going to give birth yet.

We went to the hospital the next morning and I was given a drug to induce labour. It began to work after the 2nd dose, however, I also developed a fever so I was given antibiotics which gave me diarrhea as a side effect. Soon after, the medication stopped working. I continued to be given my dose every 4 hours, but there were no contractions. Finally, the following day, the OB was discussing further options, one included surgery (a hysterotomy) which would put me at an increased risk for uterine rupture with each future pregnancy. Chris called his mom to keep her updated. She and her church had been praying for us. Chris asked her what they had been praying for and she said "Peace". Chris said. "well, it's worked, she's had so much peace, her contractions stopped! Now we have to pray for contractions!" They upped the dosage of medication and after 2 doses they were able to break my water and put me on an oxytocin drip to continue inducing the contraction. And boy, were they strong! I was able to have morphine to help with pain, but it got to be so much, I asked for an epidural (although I had really wanted to avoid it). The nurse went out and came back in with the OB, well, I didn't get that epidural (Thank you LORD!) because it was time to push. My mom and Chris were in the room with me and after a few pushes Kaitlyn Rose was born still at 11:43pm on January 17, 2009. She was so tiny. They wrapped her up in the blanket that Chris' mom had made for us. My dad, Trevor, Stephanie, and pastor Garry all came in. We all got to hold her and say goodbye. She was so small, but she was perfectly formed. Pastor Garry dedicated her to the Lord and we all gathered around Kaitlyn. Well, the nurse took her away to be weighed and everyone left. Kaitlyn was brought back to us wrapped in her blanket with a little pink knitted hat on. She was so cute and beautiful. Chris and I held Kaitlyn some more. Chris was wonderful with her. He is such a natural father. After we said our last goodbye, the nurse came and took Kaitlyn away. Chris and I were able to get some sleep that night.

Before we left the next morning, the nurse brought us a baby package. It included some pictures they had taken of Kaitlyn (we had also taken pics of Kaitlyn while we were holding her), her hat, a tiny diaper, a tiny hospital gown, a beautiful heart ornament that was hung on my door to indicate to the staff that there had been a loss, a special memories card with Kaitlyn's information, and her crib card. Kaitlyn only weighed 255 grams. We also got the blanket back. Every single person in the hospital was wonderful. They were so supportive and caring.

As we got ready to leave, I had to put on my maternity sweater and pants, knowing that I was no longer pregnant. I hated walking out of there without my baby. We still look at Kaitlyn's things when we want to be closer to her. It's funny, I still have a scar from the IV I had while I was in the hospital with Kaitlyn and I find comfort looking at it because it reminds me that I did give birth to a baby named Kaitlyn Rose.