I feeling kinda down today so this post isn't going to be too positive. But at least it lets me get out my thoughts and feelings. Well, spring is just around the corner. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping and believe it or not, but I want winter back. I know, I'm the only person in Canada to want winter, but spring is just too hard. There was so much that should be happening in spring. I should be getting ready for Kaitlyn, I should get to hold my baby and bring her home in May. Instead, I'm just in limbo. At this point, when any event or date is brought up, I automatically start thinking about where I should be in my pregnancy or how old Kaitlyn would be and what she would be doing. I'm still having a very hard time dealing with anything in May. Even the mention of a date in May brings me to tears. I'm dreading April and terrified of May. I just miss Kaitlyn so much!
And I just heard from the midwife. Apparently, my bloodwork came back positive for lupus anticoagulant. I'm glad to have found this out now, before future pregnancies, since they usually only test for this after multiple losses. This puts me at an increased risk of miscarriages and pregnancy losses. YIKES! I am being referred to an RE to follow-up. So now I have to wait to hear back from the RE. I'm definately learning patience through this process.
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This must be a difficult thing to endure.....I feel peace and strength in knowing that the Lord has brought this forward so that you can have healthy pregnancies in the future. Good will come of this...I have faith that it will :) I have a friend that has a blood disorder called Factor 5. She had to inject her abdomen every day of her pregnancy.....but the result was 2 healthy babies. She was able to carry twins to term and they both weighed 7lbs. I tell you this as a comfort to know that things will work out for you guys......God has a great plan for your lives.
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