The Christmas Season

We made it through Christmas. And, overall, it was a great Christmas. We got to celebrate it with family and look forward to our new addition that will be with us next Christmas. There were many moments of tears and sadness and just missing my baby girl. I remembered last Christmas, where we talked about having Kaitlyn with us the next Christmas. I didn't realize how emotional I would get over the season. We have lots of Christmas ornaments for Kaitlyn. Last year, after Christmas I bought a picture frame ornament that I was going to put Kaitlyn's baby picture in for this year. We had lots of ornaments with Kaitlyn name on it, but I had bought it to put Kaitlyn's picture in so I put in one of her pictures that we took of her while we were in the hospital. It looks absolutely beautiful! It's not something that anyone else would notice unless it was pointed out to them, but I know she's there. Sometimes, I just stand at the tree and look at that picture. I don't want to take it down.

Throughout December, I was remembering the special moments we had last year with Kaitlyn. December 8th, was a special day. Last year it was the day of our "big" ultrasound. We found out that we were going to be having a little girl. The rest of the family was housesitting for a family friend so we called them up and told them that it was a girl! It was so exciting. We went over later that night to celebrate. I remember that ultrasound. The tech said that Kaitlyn was moving around a lot. This December 8th continued with special pregnancy moments. It was that day that Chris felt his baby boy move for the first time. I was lying on the couch and he was really active so I called Chris down and he put his hand on my belly and he got to feel a few good kicks! It was so exciting and special to share.

My brother Trevor and his wife Stephanie gave us a poem this Christmas that reminded them of Kaitlyn. It was so beautiful. Here it is:

My First Christmas in Heaven
-author unknown

I see countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your hear
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.


As I sit here and type this, the tears are pouring down and my heart aches, I just miss her so much. To be honest, I guess I didn't really understand why you would miss someone more at a certain time of year than throughout the year. But this year, I get it. There are memories that were made and were supposed to be made. Dreams that never happened. You just want to spend the season with everyone you love, and when someone is missing, there's hole that seems like it can't be filled.

I am so excited about our new baby boy, but I just miss my little girl so much. I'm glad she was still a part of my Christmas, as she will be every year.