Kaitlyn's Due Date

Today is May 5, 2009....the day we were supposed to meet Kaitlyn for the first time. But this day was just an ordinary day. Nothing exciting happened. I dropped Chris off at Seneca, had a shower, did the laundry, cleaned, sorted through my clothes so I could give some away to charity, wrote a letter to Kaitlyn, bought a vase and arranged some of Kaitlyn's dried flowers in it, picked up Chris, went grocery shopping, cooked dinner, spent some alone time with Chris thinking about Kaitlyn, watched tv, went through Kaitlyn's belongings and went to bed. There were no monumentous, events. The highlight of my day was receiving flowers from some people who thinking about us on this day. That was really special. I'm glad that I could do some things for Kaitlyn, like the letter, vase, prayer, and looking at her stuff. I wanted to do something special for her today.

I thought this day would be harder than it was. I felt like it should have been a holiday or there should have been something amazing or even a special feeling associated with the day, but there wasn't. The world kept going, people went on with their day. Believe or not, but the thing that really hit me today was that I was supposed to be getting lots of phone calls asking if Kaitlyn had been born yet. The day should have been filled with excitement and anticipation.

At 6:00 Chris and I stopped and said a prayer, thanking God for Kaitlyn and asking that her life would be used to bring glory to Him in some way. The Lord has been with Chris and I on this path, I have found so much comfort in Him. I felt the happiest today when I was listening to worship music in the car on the way to pick up Chris. The Holy Spirit just filled me with so much joy and I just wanted to worship the Lord because He gave us Kaitlyn. That was an amazing feeling...to be happy just to have had the blessing to be with her for 24 weeks.

There are so many things that Chris and I miss...so many firsts that we will never experience; we will never know what her eye or hair colour would be, or what her personality would be like (I bet she would be silly, stubborn, fun-loving, energetic, and creative), but I do have a daughter, I am a mom, I will just get to meet my daughter in Heaven instead of here on Earth.