Mother's Day

Mother's Day weekend has come and gone. Believe it or not, but the shower I went to the day before was harder than mother's day. Mainly because there was a girl at the shower who was 22 weeks pregnant and it was my first time being at a gathering with someone who is pregnant. I tried my best not to look at her because every time I did, I would tear up, but it's like when you bite your cheek and you keep poking at the sore with your tongue, it hurts, but you just can't stop yourself. Anyways, later that night I had a really good cry. I was really missing where I should be with Kaitlyn. Chris and I took out Kaitlyn's things and looked over them. It felt nice to have a good cry. I got to be close to my husband and daughter together.

I think the cry emptied me out for Mother's Day. I went to church knowing that there was going to be a baby dedication and I had decided that I was going to try to sit through it. However, the family who's baby was being dedicated didn't show up, so I didn't have to go through it. The sermon was great and the pastor prayed for all moms, including women who had lost their children, women who wanted children but couldn't get pregnant, women who's children were wayward, for people who had lost their moms, and for women who are in a great season of their life with their family. I got a lump in my throat during the prayer, but it was great to be included. A few people at church did wish me a happy mother's day, which was wonderful to hear. I was so nice because it means that they were acknowledging my daughter as well.

I'm going to be honest, as mother's day approached, I felt like I didn't deserve to be included in mother's day. Yes, I have a child, but mother's day always seemed to be about giving a busy mom a well deserved day off. She is always busy taking care of her kids, so they are honouring the work that she does. However, I was reminded that I had gone through the hardest thing that any mother would ever have to go through. I had to say goodbye to my baby, I lost my child. I would give anything to be over tired, and over worked looking after my child. I did deserve to be included on mother's day.

I just want to thank everyone who said "Happy Mother's Day" to me and who included me in mother's day. It was really special. This was my first ever mother's day as a mom. It's definitely not what I wanted, but I did get celebrate the fact that I do have a daughter and I am a mom.