Visiting the In-Laws!

It's been a while since I wrote something, so I thought today would be a good day to write. I've been doing pretty well, overall. Chris and I went to visit his parents in Wawa last week, which was wonderful. We had a good time there, and it was nice to be able to visit his parents, without too much interruption. I had a chance to talk about Kaitlyn a bit, which I love to do. There was only one small tearful afternoon. Chris had put in a home video of Christmas 2008 at his sister's house. It was one of the last events where I was still pregnant with Kaitlyn. I loved being pregnant and I cherish those memories, but it was hard re-living it over again. I was so happy then, and excited about our baby. Not too long after that day was the appointment where we couldn't find Kaitlyn's heartbeat. I just really wanted to be holding Kaitlyn and it just made me miss her even more. I didn't actually watch the video, I just caught a glimpse of it and that was enough to bring me to tears. But, I got through it and enjoyed the rest of my time there.

There was even a moment when we were looking at pictures. I thought we were looking at an album of our wedding pictures, but there were also pictures of my pregnant belly, when Kaitlyn was born, and her memorial. At first it caught me off guard, but I quickly enjoyed looking at those pictures. Yes, it was sad looking at the pictures, but I felt so happy seeing Kaitlyn's life added to an album showing our life together. She is such an important part of our life, and while some may have left our her pictures because it would be too difficult to look at, Chris' parents chose to include her in our life, where she belongs.

I've had moments of missing her lately. My arms just feel so empty. She should be here now. We should be experiencing major sleep deprivation and revelling in each new sound or motion she makes. We hope that she will get a new brother or sister soon, but until then, I kind of feel like I'm in limbo. I don't look at her things often, but I like wearing the garnet necklace we bought for her. Occasionally, I rub the necklace and kiss it. It lets me feel a bit closer to her.

On a side note, Chris got a job! And the job is here in Newmarket! Chris and I had so many plans, but those plans keep changing so quickly. More and more we've been putting our trust in God. After losing Kaitlyn, we felt like nothing really mattered. But He had been healing us and reminding us that we still have a life to live, which will include the memories of Kaitlyn. He has also been providing for us over and over again. Here we thought we would be moving to Waterloo, but God dropped a great job for Chris right in his lap. I guess we're to stay around Newmarket a bit longer. The Lord never ceases to amaze me!! I don't know why I always worry about things, God always provides and although He doesn't have to, He proves Himself to me over and over again. He is so faithful!