Random thoughts

I thought I would post today because it's been a pretty good day today. I mostly post on days that I'm sad and really missing Kaitlyn because those are the days that I feel like writing. Nothing exciting happened today, but I did get to talk about Kaitlyn with Chris and Stephanie. I still miss her everyday, but today it didn't hurt so much. I did realize that I am exactly 2 weeks away from what would have been my due date. I also briefly went on facebook and I hid the updates from my pregnant friends...which helps a bit. I still find that I am protecting myself.

There was a couple in the room next to us in the hospital when I was being induced. They gave birth to a baby girl. My dad had worked with the husband and knew him quite well. They had been through multiple miscarriages and knew the pain of a second trimester loss. Well, they dropped by a couple days ago, and as soon as I found out they were coming it felt like someone knocked all the air out of me. I couldn't stop crying and I had to stay in my room with Chris until after they left. I'm so happy that they finally have a baby to hold, but I'm just not ready to be around a baby that I closely link to Kaitlyn. I want to hold my baby too!

As the due date approaches, we're still trying to figure out what to do on that day. It's tough because nothing I think of feels right. I should be experiencing a really momentous occasion, so everything else just doesn't feel like enough. My mom is looking for a garden stone for herself and I, which I think is great. I think we will spread the word that we will ask people to stop and say a little prayer or something at a certain time on Kaitlyn's due date. It's kind of a way that we can be together with people who live far away. We still have not decided what to do for Mother's Day yet, but we're taking it one important date at a time.